So here’s the deal. I am a thirty-blah year old woman. And despite my  actual birthdate on my driver’s license, I always seem to find myself feeling either way younger or way older than my actual born-on date. It’s inevitable that I feel younger when I’m loitering around my friends with kids and ten year marriages and pee-wee basketball coaching gigs. Then I like to turn right around, strut into Forever 21 feeling all pre-teen and bursting with newly burnished bravado and am quickly and mercilessly put in my place. Now I am 68. With big, flapping jowls. And a dowager’s hump. Also childless and husbandless. Okay, so only one of those last few qualifiers is actually true.

One, two. Is this thing on?